The Mercury Incident or Who Needs TV When you Live in the 'Hood?!

An alternate working title for this story could be, "Why does that tree have legs?" (Keep reading to find out why…)

This was a good time in the 'hood. We had just moved across the hall to a bigger apartment (which prompted my husband to continuously sing the Jefferson's theme song…you know, about the deee-luxe apartment?). We had a new baby. (Eeee! So cute!) And best of all? Moving across the hall gave us a new view! New neighbors! New shenanigans! It was like upgrading to a better cable package and suddenly discovering the amazing shows that had been just out of reach all along.

So it was the fall of 2010. I was home on maternity leave. Not sleeping ever. Watching a lot of daytime television while attempting to take care of myself, a two year old, and a newborn. Never leaving the house. (Whoa. Sort of like now, except the kids are 4 and 7 these days.) Anyway, one day I woke up to an incredible amount of chaos in the school parking lot next door. (Yes. We live next door to an elementary school. Which somehow hasn't deterred multiple neighbors from growing and selling drugs in and around our building. Sheesh. You can't fix stupid.) Imagine my surprise when I looked out of my window and found this.

The Red Cross?! This can't be good!

And this….

A little Environmental Protection Agency action?! I smell a meth lab!

There were also multiple network news trucks reporting from the street. You just KNOW something terrible had to go down to see all of this action on your street. Well, being the sleuth that I am (I was a HUGE Nancy Drew fan back in the day! Ned! So dreamy! And that car! *swoon*) I immediately looked out to see which channels were currently reporting live and then put that channel on the TV. (Genius, right?!) The "crime"? A student had allegedly brought some mercury into the school. Not a lot. Maybe the amount you would find in an old thermometer. But enough to shut down the school for days at the start of the new school year.

Now one thing you need to know before I go on. I have this neighbor. You know, the enterprising man who built the (entirely up to code) "garage". Well, enterprising is probably the best word to describe him. He also build an entire deck out of old wooden pallets, upon which he hung a sign stating that he was "looking for young boys to do odd jobs," which set me on a feminist rant about "why weren't girls good enough" until I realized just how creepy that help wanted sign really was. He also allows local businesses to pay him for "advertising" and then hangs giant signs advertising their businesses on his house. (And yes. Multiple businesses actually do this.) Now, this entrepreneur was not about to let this golden opportunity pass him by. An environmental "disaster" is an obvious gold mine! So what did he do? (Here is where I REALLY wish I'd taken a picture. You're going to have to paint a picture in your mind for this one…) Apparently, Mr. Pallet Garage took a little field trip into some nearby town where they actually have trees (my money's on either Holden or Shrewsbury) and ripped some (rather large) branches off of someone's (formerly) nice apricot tree. And there he stood. On the street corner by the news trucks. In his ripped off, Gilligan's Island style pants, holding these massive branches filled with apricots, which standing next to a sign that read, "Fresh apricots-50 cents." No lie. Like I said before…you can't make this stuff up.

As part of a (self-created) anthropological study, I watched this guy for a bit. No one was buying his apricots (Shocker.). The news people were giving him nervous sideways glances and you just KNOW they were talking about how they couldn't wait to get out of Worcester. But this guy was not about to give up! The good thing about having a mobile apricot tree is that if no one's buying, you can just walk your tree closer to the action. So he did. Like I said-entrepreneur.

The mercury clean up action went on for a few days. Apricot guy eventually gave up and started selling furniture items on the street instead. When that didn't raise funds, he just started giving stuff away.

Who wouldn't want a free roadside toilet?
Five bucks said someone tried to use this during the week it was on the street!

And the show goes on…never a dull day in the 'hood...